Monday, February 6, 2012

The People Component

I hate admitting this but some times I forget about people. I get so wrapped up in the work that I am doing and what needs to get done that I lose track of everything else. This has never been as evident to me as it has in the past 5 months. It’s no coincidence that John and I started dating 5 months ago.

Since coming to college I haven’t dated very much. To be quite honest, it’s mostly because I haven’t had the time nor wanted to make the time. Finding a boyfriend was never on the top of my to-do list or even on the bottom for that matter. Family and friends have been bugging me for the past few years about this but I continuously blew it off.

Now I have a boyfriend. Not only do I have a boyfriend but I am in a serious relationship with someone that I love and care very much about. I will not hesitate to say that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. With that being said, a lot of the time he gets put on the back burner.

I don’t do this intentionally. I have a really bad habit of getting tunnel vision with whatever I am doing and completely forgetting that other things exist. While this is a good quality as it makes me a hard focused worker, it has its downfalls. It’s also really hard for me to take breaks and have fun when I have other things to do and let’s face it, there are always other things to do. As I have mentioned in other posts, I really value productivity and am very task oriented. If you ask me to do something I will give you 120% yet I am starting to realize that this comes at a big price. It’s impossible (yet I continue to try) for me or anyone to give 120% at everything all of the time.

The first few months that John and I dated we barely ever saw each other. When we did hang out, it was usually very short and over a meal that I was desperately trying to force myself to eat. I was usually so exhausted and overwhelmed by everything else that I was really unable to focus and enjoy his company. I loved spending time with him and he has always made me smile, but I could never completely shake the feeling of “omg-I-have-so-much-work-that-I-should-be-doing”.

Unfortunately I still get this way pretty often yet I’d really like to believe that I am getting better. Now when we hang out, I force myself to temporarily turn off the other parts of my brain and really focus my attention on him and us. Instead of thinking about the paper that I need to write or homework that I need to do, I try really hard to put those things out of my mind temporarily. Since doing this, I find myself really enjoying his company and cherishing the time that we spend together. When we are together I smile and laugh a lot and am really able to relax. I love our spontaneous road trips and adventures and really look forward to them. I enjoy hearing about his day and the things that are going on in his life. Overall, I love being 100% present in whatever we are doing.

I consider myself very lucky. Lucky that I’ve found such an amazingly patient and understanding guy. I still value my commitments and take my work very seriously, yet those are no longer the only things that I value. I care very much about John and our relationship and I am getting better at showing it. Whenever I find myself getting sucked into the old habit of putting everything else first, I force myself to take a step back, stop and re-prioritize. Accomplishing a million things and being successful isn’t really worth it if you don’t have anyone to share it with.

Not only am I working on this aspect of my life with John but with other people as well. Lately I have been taking the time to reconnect with family members and old friends. There is nothing as satisfying then the joy in my grandmother’s voice when I give her a call. If you are anything like me, try really hard to remember the people in your life. I can say with absolute certainty that I wouldn’t be where I am today without all of them.  Thank you to everyone who has stood by my side, especially when I haven’t deserved it.

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