Sunday, April 15, 2012

The small things-why I choose recovery

You know what the best part of recovery is? Being able to smile, laugh and enjoy the little things.

I know that I talked about writing a comprehensive post about what I have gained in recovery and I will eventually do that. But tonight I want to discuss the small things; the things that made this weekend so wonderful and have really helped me recover from the recent slip that I had.

-Going to Gator softball games and being able to be 100% present. Cheering and even heckling the other team some. (Or yelling at John for doing so)

- Playing with/watching Tigger be the adorable playful kitten that he is. (Even when he gets high off of catnip and goes insane at 5 am and tries to eat my arm/hand/hair and everything else in my room.) 

- Genuinely laughing with (and at) John. 

- Testing out my new softball bat; being able to run/catch/throw/bat because I have the energy to do so and because I WANT to. (By the way, I totally missed my calling) 

- Smiling (self explanatory) 

-Getting Frosty’s because it’s super hot out and I live next door to Wendy’s. 

-Swimming; Having the energy and desire to get back in the pool after 8 months.

- Appreciating my body, for everything mentioned above.

The list above isn’t very big and all of these things could also easily be done with the eating disorder. But there is a big difference. The exercise wasn’t done compulsively, to lose weight or because I felt like I should, but instead for enjoyment. The activities were spontaneous and weren’t a part of my normal rigid routine. And the food was just food, not a struggle or big deal. And the smile/laughter was real. With the eating disorder I lose the ability to be present and feel anything, including good things.

This list above is significant for me because it shows that I am out living my life. A life that I cannot have with the eating disorder. And it’s weekends like these that remind me why I choose recovery. 

I came across this song and YouTube video on Friday and I really think it fits perfectly with my life right now and everything in it. I also love me some good lyrics. (And Bruno Mars) Enjoy! 

"I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins,
a whole new world is waiting It's mine for the taking,
I know I can make it, today my life begins"

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