Friday, June 15, 2012

Indefinable


Unworthy. Unlovable. Failure. Never Enough. 

These are the terms that echo in my mind throughout the day. A constant reminder that my life just isn’t good enough. That I am not good enough. Or worthy of food, love, kindness, success, happiness and freedom. That I will never amount to anything and it will be all MY fault. 

My wounds untreatable. My faults unforgivable. My pain unbearable. My life undeserving. 

These are the phrases that define me. That keep me trapped and tormented. That hurt to the core of my being, but have become so engrained in me. 

Scars. Secrets. Shame. Self-destruction. 

These are the things that hold me captive. My vices, pain and suffering hidden deep down inside. The things that haunt me and keep me stuck. The things that help my eating disorder thrive. 

I refuse to allow these things to win. To spend one more day in silence. To hang my head low and give in.

I refuse to allow my past to dictate my life. To continue to suffer. To self-destruct. 

I refuse to believe these lies. To continue to give them room to grow. To destroy my potential. 

I refuse to spend one more day like this. Defining my worth by a number. Defining my life unrealistically.

I refuse. 

Worthy. Lovable. Successful. Enough. Strong. Brave. Deserving. Compassionate. Resilient. Fighter. Survivor. 

These are the truth. MY truth. The things that I will repeat over and over again until I completely believe them. Until they are no longer in question. 

I deserve more. I AM more. My pain treatable. My mistakes forgivable. My worth immeasurable.My life irreplaceable. Period.

No comments:

Post a Comment