Sunday, September 30, 2012

Living Proof

Today I can actually imagine things getting better. Although I am not there yet I can picture a life without the eating disorder. I can imagine living authentically, happily and every day to the fullest. I can imagine actually being at peace with food and even more so with myself. I don't have a solid plan or time frame when I think this may happen but it no longer seems impossible. I know that my pain isn't in vain and that some day I will be triumphant in this battle.I will survive and I will thrive. I will eventually use my story and my experience to help others.

Over the last week I have done some serious soul searching. It hasn't been easy or anywhere near perfect. I have stumbled and fallen but have continuously gotten back up. It's been uncomfortable, painful and confusing. I know it's just the beginning. I know the road ahead is going to be full of a lot of hard work and even more tears but I truly believe that I can do this. Even if its temporary, at this very moment I believe in myself and right now that is good enough for me.

A lot of this optimism comes from within, it's in my personality to be positive and enthusiastic, but I know that I would have never gotten to this place if it wasn't for the amazing love and support that has been shown to me. Although it has been here all along, in this past week the encouragement that I have received has been phenomenal. Saying thank you wouldn't even begin to do the gratitude that I feel justice.

I believe that recovering from an eating disorder and learning to accept and love myself completely is going to be the hardest thing that I will ever have to do. In fact, I witness this every single day. Some days I truly can't imagine things getting any harder. But even in my moments of doubt, which there are plenty, I wouldn't trade this for anything. Although I can't see the finish line, each day I am reminded of why I keep going. I am not a victim, I am a survivor. A fighter. A conqueror. I will overcome this. And trust me when I say that if I can, so can you.

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