Almost one year ago I planned a social for my sorority at a cupcake place in town called Sarkara Sweets. It's a place where you can build your own cupcake and has a ton of options. At that time I was struggling greatly with the eating disorder and eating a cupcake wasn't even close to an option. That same day I had spent the afternoon frantically shopping with a few sorority sisters for another event that we had planned that weekend. About 30minutes before the actual cupcake event I came close to passing out. It was no doubt directly related to my lack of nourishment. Because of this I completely skipped out on the event.
Today I came across an advertisement on facebook for the same cupcake place. I even went to their website a few times to see what they had to offer. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the place out of my mind. After dinner tonight I decided that I was sick of allowing the eating disorder to rule my life and take away the joy of enjoying tasty desserts. I gathered about all of the courage that I could come up with and asked John if we could go get cupcakes.(Thankfully he usually obliges especially when it involves yummy food) The entire drive there I had a smile across my face and must have said "I am really excited" at least 10 times. Although the cupcake was mediocre at best, I enjoyed the entire experience and am very proud of myself for this accomplishment. The eating disorder has stolen a lot from me and caused me to miss out on a lot of things in the past 10 years. I can't go back and change those memories but I am thankful for the opportunity to create new positive ones. Every time I step out of my comfort zone and tell the eating disorder to f*ck off, it loses it's power over me and I am one step closer to freedom.