As I sat there and ate my lunch I was overcome with gratitude. Although I have had my share of medical issues and am no stranger to being very sick, I am fairly healthy. I am able to get up every morning and live the life that I want to lead, with very little restraint. Thanks to my body I can do a lot of amazing things. My body has been through hell multiple times but it's resilience has always shone through.
Two and a half years ago I lost all of my hair. For a good amount of time I was completely bald. During this time and as it grew back I wore bandanas and hats. Every time I noticed any growth, I threw a mini celebration. Before this experience I had always hated my hair. I constantly envied people who had straight non-frizzy hair. I never understood how people could get there hair to look so put together, when no matter how hard I tried (if I am honest with myself, I very rarely tried) my hair was a hot mess. It seemed to have a mind of it's own and was up to no good. While I was bald, I longed to have my hair back. Even through each awkward stage of growth, I cherished every hair on my head. Now, it is curlier and frizzier and on most days it looks like I don't believe in a brush (I promise I do) but I have learned to accept it and am grateful to have hair at all.
When I look at or think about my body I am overcome with a long list of things that I hate. Recovering from an eating disorder has meant gaining weight and watching my body change and this has been really difficult. Unfortunately I am not in a place where I have kindly accepted these changes and right now the idea of loving my body sounds impossible. But I am starting to replace the hatred with gratitude. While I don't appreciate the shape and size of my body I am extremely grateful that I am healthy and able to wake up every morning and give back to others. I have been given many chances in life and my bodies strength and perseverance is largely to thank.
|I made this earlier this year at an event for national eating disorders awareness week. We were asked to write a "letter to our body". Other people were writing amazing, inspiring things about their bodies but all I could come up with was an apology.|