Thursday, October 4, 2012

Owning what is ours

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." ~Mark Twain

Hi, my name is Daniella and I am sensitive. I cry easily and often. I laugh loudly. I feel deeply. I am emotional. I am easily overwhelmed by the world around me. By both it's bigness and it's beauty. I care a lot and sometimes get swept away by my own feelings and the feelings of others. I am jumpy and get scared easily. I smile, a lot and am easily amused by the simplest things. Most of the time I take things way too personally. I give 120% into everything I do and easily get engulfed in whatever task I am doing at the time. I don't like loud noises, peoples in masks (Halloween anything minus the candy) or spiders. Most of the time I feel like I don't fit into this world. I feel my best when I am surrounded by children, animals and nature. I am naive and gullible. If you play a prank on me I will fall for it, every time. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt times ten and believe that everyone deserves a chance no matter what they have done or continue to do. I am forgiving but can also be resentful. I don't do well with being told what to do yet am always looking for ways to better myself. If you yell at me, I will ignore you and shut down. I get overstimulated easily. I enjoy listening to others and am honored when people share their lives and stories with me. I consider my grandmother to be my best friend and long to be half as amazing of a women as she is. Some times I can be bossy and seem like a "know-it-all". Grammar isn't my strong suit and English will be the only language I ever know. I have the memory of a goldfish. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and am sometimes too honest. My feelings get hurt easily but I am also good at bouncing back. I have a sense of humor, can be sarcastic and really enjoy joking around with others. I pour my heart and soul into things that I care deeply about. I am passionate. Sometimes I can be dramatic. I am dependable and you can almost always count on me. I have a lot to say and talk way too much. Pride is my number one nemesis. I can be judgmental but am also very understanding and empathetic.I really enjoy helping people, nothing makes me feel better. I try to please people at every chance I get and really struggle with wanting others to like me and be my friend. I love learning and can honestly say I learn at least one new thing every day. My enthusiasm is childish and I think that is freaking awesome. I cannot wait to have children of my own some day. I value relationships way more than accomplishments and material things. I love reading, writing and singing. Music is the window into my soul and I love song lyrics and quotations. I love being close to others and most of the time I struggle with overstepping my boundaries. I have a voice and I am slowly learning that it's ok to use it. My political views are idealistic, extreme and would never be feasible in the world, but I still believe them. I consider myself a feminist and believe that I can do anything that a man can do yet personally love cleaning, cooking and taking care of others. ("traditional woman roles") I am open minded and love hearing and learning about other peoples viewpoints/ideas/opinions. Although I don't go to church regularly I consider myself a very spiritual person and believe that re-finding my relationship with God has been a one of the biggest factors in my healing.

I have spent many years out of touch with myself. For the longest time I have seen parts of my personality and who I am as flaws. I have spent years hating and punishing myself for things that I cannot help. I have been ashamed and have spent a lot of time and energy trying to "fix" things that were not in my control. In order to truly accept ourselves and be comfortable in our own skin we have to learn to own the things that are ours. Above is a glimpse of me and who I am. There are things that I wish I wasn't but being angry about them doesn't make them any less true. Self exploration as well as being honest and true to ourselves is difficult, especially for me after years of internalized beliefs that who I am and the things that make me tick are wrong. But learning to embrace even my deepest fears and struggles has opened up so many doors for me and has allowed me to start to work through my pain and overcome anorexia as well as be the person that I am truly meant to be.

True things by JJ Heller 




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